HAIRVENT

I realised recently, only this morning in fact, that I couldn’t “go Anon” with the Oedipus Wrecks set list because Dr. Fitzgerald named the band and was with me in the write up. Not only that but it’s too late, our having already performed the songs under our own names: for you cannot put the toothpaste back in the tube once it is out. Voices were and are baying for me to become Anon though. They make me very angry and feel helpless. And so I wrote a different text that was the first thing I had ever agreed to be Anon of my own writing – and it still couldn’t be Anon because it contained an idea from my mother. She came in yesterday and said “Nirvana would do one called ‘Hairvent.’” I thought it brilliant, as a writer that hears voices and used to listen to Nirvana a lot. And so I slipped it into a poem, for a book called Anon Songs For Luke B. But in the end I couldn’t do that to my mother. So we still await an Anon text. I was told I could get to keep what I had already done if I stopped now; then I was also told unless I did an Anon one it would all be made Anon against my wishes even though that is against the law. There is a lot that is undone as yet in my writing. I have new things to talk about. I have a lot more to say. At the moment – in case I die suddenly – you should know I have a lot on the go. There’s a big book of philosophy, a redacted version of the same, a novel about dreams underway, the book of Anon songs for Luke B, a book of poems contrasting the right and the left, a book about Jim Morrison of the Doors and a family book of poetry, just for my family. At any given moment I might have a similar quantity of options open, and because of overlaps and repetitions there are actually a lot fewer options than it seems. I keep a separate file called FILES where I keep a list of files I am working with before I lose track of it all and it’s already 8 pages long, even though just the tip of the ice-berg. At the same time, there is no publishing opportunity, unless I fork out for a vanity-press or even teach myself how to use Kindle Direct Publishing. I’ve got fifteen books and pamphlets and ten albums or long E. P’s out there through amateur means already. Out of the fifteen books, the five poetry volumes I published with Chipmunka plus the small book of philosophy I also published with Chipmunka (but under a nom de plume) are all available to read for free on the Blog but sometimes it seems eyes are not meant for reading at a screen and voices reliably inform me that they don’t like any of the ones I have done. Some of them still think I should deem it the Oedipus Wrecks set list, deem it Anon, that I should’ve been Anon all along, and quit. It’s very difficult when you hear voices to know if they are trustworthy. Some of my voices are evil and sadistic. I am being trained in CBT of methods to stand up, and be more assertive. The technique I am learning I practice every day. If I do deem it the Oedipus Wrecks set-list I would go against the advice of people I love, and it already went into the volume Yes You May albeit in a less advanced form than I currently have in one file. If each Age gets the literature it deserves, and the linguistic energy too, ours might be blog entries, failed novels wasted on dead computers, self-publications nobody will read, FB photos with comments beneath, and things like that. Mum says things like Paradise Lost, and Chaucer, and Ulysses, are all out of fashion now. The English Department used to centre itself on things like that but now there is no centre of gravity in a literary sense anymore. There’s still a Shakespeare option, at least, for traditionalists, but you can get a First from a top ten University in English and Creative Writing as I did without doing a Shakespeare option. The children of our friends are growing up to do the <BEE> one… that is my brother’s notion that <BEE> might soon ensue from @ in the international language alphabet. That was the subject or rather Organisational Principle of Soundcloud Rain. It’s one of the things I am yet to discuss, by which I mean the way the children are waking up to it. Likewise I looked into the equation for the ratio between Gravity pulling and Lightspeed falling on the sheet where pictures grew in a book called The Field of Rock N Roll Science and never concluded it… if it is “c over G” we are dealing with then I think it equals “backward f, forward f, equals running through.” I also heard from someone clever that the island of penguins might’ve been observed on the other side of the universe. These are things I am yet to include in paperback volumes. In terms of original ideas from me, I got into University saying “I. T. might stand for Instant Travel too,” and when there wrote about how “Lucy in the soul w/ demons/ might happen to be an actual substance.” They say the best bits of my extant oeuvre are the <BEE> thing from Soundcloud Rain, which is my brother’s idea, also the red and black thing from The Sunset Child, which means the + sign for an ‘f’ in the line “I have a scar+ that is red and black,” for that meant I did to maths what my brother did to language, also the articulation of Flora’s system in Breath Trapped In Heaven, and the rest is all dreadful. I personally also like the Nirvana barcode’s falsification, and some of the pockets of sanity you find dotted around. Part of me thinks I should pack it in already, that the best would be done by 44, but parts of me wish to bring the situation to closure and resolution and catharsis… I have a lot to be working on if I am to be working on something. Maybe I can select one option of those I have mentioned, like the Anon songs, and bring that to the world on my Blogspot page.